3 years (and counting)In a hospital room, with air that doesn’t move,3 years (and counting) by flowerskilledme
you and I and everyone else
left something behind
The nurses were nice, and I slept in your room one night, and I don’t remember going home but I must have because you died on a Tuesday and you went to the hospital on the Saturday, which is the day I slept in your room.
We counted your breathing, because a booklet about death told us of the dying breath
It goes slower and sloower and slooower
Then it stops.
On the Friday we all watched TV and we talked and you were gonna get your morphine dose regulated
On the Tuesday you were almost too weak to open even your eyes
I whispered I love you
You looked at me but your tongue and your lips and your vocal chords couldn’t move
But you looked at me, and I tried not to cry, but it’s hard to not cry when someone your love can’t even live because they are so weak
It was around 2 p.m.
You stopped breathing
Then a sharp shallow breath
A dying breath, the very last
Have you ever lost someone?Have you ever lost someone and yelled to themHave you ever lost someone? by flowerskilledme
beyond walls of life and death?
Screamed without making a sound,
as if it would make your hand grasp theirs for one last time?
Cried out and prayed to whatever god that might be listening,
prayed that there had been a mistake.
It’s a painful thing,
this yelling and screaming and crying and praying,
because it helps very little, maybe nothing at all,
to fade the stripes of grief and salty water and tiredness
that you wear like a mask over your face.
But can you help it?
No, not the slightest can you stop yourself from
yelling and screaming and crying and praying.
And if you can, then my answer is no.
You haven’t ever lost someone.